


Go the fuck to sleep, Boss

by Pinkninja



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Jim is like a child at nap time, lots of swearing, mormor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkninja/pseuds/Pinkninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mormor version of a Sherlock version of a parody children's book.</p><p>Right, time to put away today’s work, Jim.<br/>You’re practically swaying on your feet.<br/>I’m exercising my body-guard rights when I say,<br/>Go to bed, Boss. I think you need some sleep.</p><p>A birthday present for pipwasreal, the Jim to my Seb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go the fuck to sleep, Boss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pipwasreal](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=pipwasreal).
  * Inspired by [Go the Fuck to Sleep, Sherlock](https://archiveofourown.org/works/243243) by [primroseshows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primroseshows/pseuds/primroseshows). 



> All credit goes to primroseshows. This is really just a dumb little birthday present for my friend, but hope you enjoy it too.

Right, time to put away today’s work, Jim.

You’re practically swaying on your feet.

I’m exercising my body-guard rights when I say,

Go to bed, Boss. I think you need some sleep.

 

The banks will be there in the morning,

The blueprints and plans will keep.

How can you read them with red-rimmed eyes?

You’ve got to rest yourself and sleep.

 

Don’t forget you hired me to take care of you,

And my time is expensive, my rates are not cheap.

It’s a waste of money to sit there and ignore me

Get off your arse, go to bed, and sleep.

 

Oh, so you’re going to pretend you can’t hear me?

You know I’m feeling rested and replete.

I could throw you over my shoulder right now

Carry you to your bed and make you sleep.

 

You know what, have it your way,

Work yourself until you collapse in a heap.

I’ll just mind my own bloody business, shall I?

Why should I care whether or not you sleep?

 

I’ve smoked a pack and a half on the porch,

Cracked open your whisky and drink deep

Ah, now you’re grumpy and tired, you admit I was right

Moriarty isn’t a machine, he needs sleep.

 

So I shut off the music and turn off the lights,

Down the hall to your bedroom we sneak.

No, you can’t go back and start a war tonight

I’m marching you straight to your bed for sleep.

 

Fuck, Jim, look at the state of your room!

Is that a decapitated sheep?

No wonder the flat has been smelling like blood.

For fuck’s sake, how are you going to sleep?

 

No, no no no no, no way, don’t even think about it!

My bed is my own, you creep!

Well, yes, you paid for it, as one of the perks –

Fine! You can take my room, _just for tonight_ to sleep.

 

Here, lie down on my pillow – Jim! Give me that!

You touch my guns again and I’ll shoot out your cheek.

Stop giving me those bedroom eyes, Jim

Now, shut up, close your eyes, and sleep.

 

Yes, alright, I’ll get you some water,

No you can’t have the tea I just steeped.

Now, fucking hell, stop dancing around the room

Are you a child? Of course it’d wake you up. Now fucking sleep!

 

Look, you’re tired; you’ve been up for three days,

Just relax and let go; nature will seep

Into that fucking big brain of yours and

Before you even know it, you’ll be asleep.

 

I’ll read out a scientific paper, about the decay of tissue,

And resist my own urge to weep

In frustration because your eyes are lighting up

You’re getting too excited to sleep.

 

I’ll tell you a story, about hunting Kali’s kitten

But only if you don’t make a peep.

I pause when I think you’ve finally drifted off

But you open your fucking eyes – awake! Not asleep.

 

No more stories then, no more talk

No more reactions from me you’ll reap.

I’m putting my fucking foot down on this, Jim

Now sleep, before I _force_ you to sleep.

 

I’ll drug you with chloroform, you fucker,

Smother you with that pillow, or beat

Your body until you’re unconscious

 _Then_ maybe you’ll get some sleep.

 

Oh shit, are your eyes lighting up?

Your depravity clearly runs too deep

Please, Jim, no more experiments tonight,

I just want you to fucking go to sleep.

 

No more excuses, no more masterminding

I’m shutting off your phone now, _BEEP!_

There, now you have no more distractions

So fucking sleep, you arsehole, just _sleep_.

 

Why do you have so much trouble with this concept?

Are you so incapable of sleep?

It’s disgustingly easy, here, budge up, I’ll show you.

Eyes closed. Mind blank. Good. Sleep.

 

Stop poking my neck – JIM! Are you strangling me?

Oh, fuck you, “just measuring your heartbeat”

It’s hammering so fast due to my homicidal rage

BEAUSE YOU FUCKING WONT GO TO SLEEP.

 

Okay, fine, alright? You win.

I give up, you’re hopeless. I admit defeat.

I’ve got to negotiate with arms dealers tomorrow

Some of us mortals actually covet our sleep.

 

I don’t give a fuck any more, get outta my bed

Thanks for making it warm with your heat.

But I’ve slept on stone and sticks and mud

Soon I’m dead to the world, fast asleep.

 

I wake up, and it’s dark and quiet outside

I roll over and what does my gaze meet?

The perfect picture, you’re curled up,

Eyes shut, mouth slack, _asleep_.

 

I soak in the sight and breathe a sigh of relief

It’s a memory I think I will keep.

I hate you a lot, you son of a bitch,

But you’re my boss, whether or not you’re asleep.

 

Your face scrunches up when you wake,

And your hand reaches across the bed sheet

“Sebby, dear, I can hear you thinking.

Shut the fuck up and let me sleep.”


End file.
